The Cool Mom
“I’m not like those other moms, I’m a cool mom”. This phrase has haunted me since I made the decision to be the “cool mom” to my daughters. It literally sits with me all day every day, it dictates my hair styles, my outfit choices and of course my nail designs. I have grown this undeniable urge and desire to be my children’s friend. I want my oldest to “spill the tea” and my youngest to color and do makeup with me while binging a Disney show. This “cool mom” race also comes from my experiences as a child. In my day I heard often “I’m not one of your little friends”. And my own mother was right she wasn’t, and at times that was what I really needed and wanted.
Fast forward to now and here I am with a 12 yr. old bestie and 5 yr. old homegirl. This type of relationship for us has its ups and downs. Sometimes I’m told “I’m doing too much” sometimes too much is expected out of me. And sometimes the lines of “cool” and “friendship” get blurred. In the chase to be cool and friendly I sometimes lose the authority of a mom. I get attitude when I have to delegate chores or regulate outfit choices. I get the silent treatment when I need to raise my voice to get my point across. And not only do I struggle with the twists and turns of my kid best friends I also struggle with my own identity as their “cool mom”.
Let's face it, a part of my cool mom persona is self inflicted. I don’t want to be old, I most certainly do not want to be left out and I definitely want to remain cool! I want to be the mom my children’s classmates wish they had and the mom my kids feel lucky to have. I want to dish out fashion advice as well as boy tips! I want to be their go-to, and not just because I am their mom. But, because they like me.
How can you keep the friendship and the respect as the mom?
How do you find the balance is the question though? How can you keep the friendship and the respect as the mom? How do you be their confidant and the warden? Sometimes it requires more of one than the other. We never want to be the bad guys but we have to have some structure. Have you ever had to tell your best friend that they’re grounded if they don’t do their math homework? Or if they don’t clean their room they won’t get dessert, probably not! The worst part is once you do this, they are no longer your besties. You will get the silent treatment, forget getting their advice on your new hair do and nails. As their mom you know you did the right thing, as their friend you just want to make it better. You don’t want your favorite people mad at you for a job you just HAD to do. And then who do you talk to??
I maintain a level of honesty with my children about my expectations for us as family members and friends.
How do we remain cool and remain moms? For me, honesty works best. I maintain a level of honesty with my children about my expectations for us as family members and friends. I let them know how their negative actions affect all levels of our relationships and I remind them that no matter what neither role I play in their life will change.
But every day I’m a mom who’s trying to just be as cool as the day before.
I can’t say I have all the answers, Tik Tok dances are still hard for me and sometimes I wake up to dirty dishes and Rice Krispie wrappers in their room. Some days my Uggs get me enough cool points and some days my rules grant me cold shoulders colder than Antartica. But every day I’m a mom who’s trying to just be as cool as the day before.
Be Well